I miss you. I miss the old you.
Kailan nga ba nagsimula?
Hindi ko rin alam e. Ang alam ko lang isang araw nagising ako at naramdaman kong hindi mo na ko mahal.
Oo, hindi mo kailangang sabihin, dahil nararamdaman ko. Hindi mo na kailangang sabihin dahil araw araw pinaparamdam mo.
Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing hindi ka magrereply sa mga text messages ko,
Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing hindi mo sinasagot ang tawag ko habang nasa gimik ka at kinabukasan makikita ko ang mga pictures mo na may kainuman, kaakbayang babae at masayang masaya ka. Habang ako hindi mapakali sa higaan, iniisip kung bakit hindi mo sinasagot ang tawag ko, samantalang dati ikaw ang nangungulit sakin.
Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing ang sagot mo sa tanong ko kung kelan mo ko dadalawin ay soon. Ang soon na apat na buwan na ang nakakalipas ay soon padin.
Kaya oo, tinatanggap ko na! Finish contract na tayo. Ayoko na.
I used to see a future with you, but right now you can’t even see a future for yourself.
I understand you wanting to enjoy life. You’re the life of a party and it’s one thing I really like about you. It’s okay to party but when it becomes your top priority I guess it turns to addiction.
Eat. Sleep. Party. Repeat.
That has become your life. At first I thought you’re just tired coz you’ve been working since you’re 16. It’s already been 6 months but instead of you getting tired of going out to party it seems like it got worst.
You’re unemployed and goes to party almost every night. We can’t even talk at night over the phone or through skype because you’re out, partying of course. You can’t even visit me because you don’t have a penny to spare.
I want to travel, to go to places and make memories with you but all you want to do is to go to fucking clubs and drink until the morning. You used to say we’re on the same page but no, we are not. You’re stuck on the first page and you doesn’t have any plans on getting out.
I love you but I can’t stand you wasting all your potentials.
I love you but I need someone who sees a future with me.
I love you but I’m tired of all the shit.
I love you but I need a future, and I don’t think we have one.
I hope you find someone you’re afraid to lose
Someone you would say sorry to even if it’s not your fault
Coz it hurts to see her crying
To hear her sob
To watch her die a little everytime
I hope you find someone who would make you go the distance
Someone who could make you take that dreaded 8- hour drive
Just to be with her
Just to see her smile, laugh
Smirk, pout and giggle
I hope you find someone worthy of your time
Someone who could make you wake up at 6 am
Coz you wanted to tell her good morning
To tell her she looks bad ass
In that dress or in anything she wears
I hope you find someone who inspires you
Someone who could make you work your ass off
Because you wanted her to be proud of you
To provide her eveything
Even if she ask for none
I hope you find someone you truly love
Someone whom you can never live without
Because everyone deserves
That kind of love,
I actually didn’t believe in that word. I hated the meaning of that word, but, crazily, life is trying to make me appreciate it. It is funny how fate crack a joke on us, on me especially. I wasn’t prepared for anything like that, for such blunt joke, though seriously, I seem to see it coming.
What did I feel, they asked. It’s funny because I asked myself those words too. The truth s I really don’t know. I seem to be confusing everything when it comes to him.
Now I realized that everything we have, or so I thought we have, started with that night of mere COINCIDENCE..
“bespren…try mong mag move-on”
This may seem like an ordinary comment on my drama status last night but what many didn’t know is that it struck me like hell. It was like waking up from a long bad dream. Before I officially move on I wanted to say the things I haven’t said because we really didn’t have the time to clear things and to talk, I mean really talk.
I met you in the most inconvenient place, in a bar. The first time you hold my hands I know right there that if I let myself close to you I will be doom. You weren’t good looking, hell no, but there is something in you that made me fall for you. I love you and I know you already know that.
It’s hard to finally let you go but I know I need to. I need to it for myself. I need to bring back the respect I have for myself that I lose when I decided to pursue the love I have for you. I need to erase and kill the hope growing in my heart that someday you will realize that you love me. There is nothing wrong in hoping, but in my case it is all wrong. It’s wrong to ignore those guys who want to be a part of my life just because of that small hope. It’s wrong to save myself to a guy who I’m not really sure will really come.
So, I am taking my friend’s advice. I am moving on. I am letting myself go. I am letting you go.
You have your first relationship, and then you have your first relationship. The one where you finally figure out, beyond all reasonable doubt or concern, what it’s like to be in love. The one where the word “forever”—however impractical it may be—doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore; the one where the phrase “I love you” finally sounds right rolling off your tongue; the one that sad Lana Del Rey songs will always be able to describe exactly. It could have happened in high school or college or even after, but it’s a time of innocence and beauty and discovery that can never be captured again. It’s like a dream, but like all dreams, you eventually wake up.
You go to different colleges, your paths go different ways, one of you has to break it off. But how can things ever be the same again? How can…
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