Finish Contract na te. Tanggapin mo na!

Kailan nga ba nagsimula?

Hindi ko rin alam e. Ang alam ko lang isang araw nagising ako at naramdaman kong hindi mo na ko mahal.

Oo, hindi mo kailangang sabihin, dahil nararamdaman ko. Hindi mo na kailangang sabihin dahil araw araw pinaparamdam mo.

Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing hindi ka magrereply sa mga text messages ko,

Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing hindi mo sinasagot ang tawag ko habang nasa gimik ka at kinabukasan makikita ko ang mga pictures mo na may kainuman, kaakbayang babae at masayang masaya ka. Habang ako hindi mapakali sa higaan, iniisip kung bakit hindi mo sinasagot ang tawag ko, samantalang dati ikaw ang nangungulit sakin.

Pinaparamdam mo sa tuwing ang sagot mo sa tanong ko kung kelan mo ko dadalawin ay soon.  Ang soon na apat na buwan na ang nakakalipas ay soon padin.

Kaya oo, tinatanggap ko na! Finish contract na tayo. Ayoko na.

Future Plans

 I used to see a future with you, but right now you can’t even see a future for yourself. 

I understand you wanting to enjoy life. You’re the life of a party and it’s one thing I really like about you. It’s okay to party but when it becomes your top priority I guess it turns to addiction.

Eat. Sleep. Party. Repeat. 

That has become your life. At first I thought you’re just tired coz you’ve been working since you’re 16. It’s already been 6 months but instead of you getting tired of going out to party it seems like it got worst.

You’re unemployed and goes to party almost every night. We can’t even talk at night over the phone or through skype because you’re out, partying of course. You can’t even visit me because you don’t have a penny to spare.

I want to travel, to go to places and make memories with you but all you want to do is to go to fucking clubs and drink until the morning. You used to say we’re on the same page but no, we are not. You’re stuck on the first page and you doesn’t have any plans on getting out.

I love you but I can’t stand you wasting all your potentials.

I love you but I need someone who sees a future with me.

I love you but I’m tired of all the shit.

I love you but I need a future, and I don’t think we have one.

 

 

 

 

 

Hopeful

I hope you find someone you’re afraid to lose

Someone you would say sorry to even if it’s not your fault

Coz it hurts  to see her crying

To hear her sob

To watch her die a little everytime

 

I hope you find someone who would make you go the distance

Someone who could make you take that dreaded  8- hour drive

Just to be with her

Just to see her smile, laugh

Smirk, pout and giggle

 

I hope you find someone worthy of your time

Someone who could make you wake up at 6 am

Coz you wanted to tell her good morning

To tell her  she looks bad ass

In that dress or in anything she wears

 

I hope you find someone who inspires you

Someone who could make you work your ass off

Because you wanted her to be proud of you

To provide her eveything

Even if she ask for none

 

I hope you find someone you truly love

Someone whom you can never live without

Because everyone deserves

That kind of love,

Yep, EVERYONE.

Maybe Serendipity :)

I actually didn’t believe in that word. I hated the meaning of that word, but, crazily, life is trying to make me appreciate it. It is funny how fate crack a joke on us, on me especially. I wasn’t prepared for anything like that, for such blunt joke, though seriously, I seem to see it coming.

What did I feel, they asked. It’s funny because I asked myself those words too. The truth s I really don’t know. I seem to be confusing everything when it comes to him.

Now I realized that everything we have, or so I thought we have, started with that night of mere COINCIDENCE..

Taking a friend’s advice.

“bespren…try mong mag move-on”

This may seem like an ordinary comment on my drama status last night but what many didn’t know is that it struck me like hell. It was like waking up from a long bad dream. Before I officially move on I wanted to say the things I haven’t said because we really didn’t have the time to clear things and to talk, I mean really talk. 

 

I met you in the most inconvenient place, in a bar. The first time you hold my hands I know right there that if I let myself close to you I will be doom. You weren’t good looking, hell no, but there is something in you that made me fall for you. I love you and I know you already know that.

It’s hard to finally let you go but I know I need to. I need to it for myself. I need to bring back the respect I have for myself that I lose when I decided to pursue the love I have for you. I need to erase and kill the hope growing in my heart that someday you will realize that you love me. There is nothing wrong in hoping, but in my case it is all wrong. It’s wrong to ignore those guys who want to be a part of my life just because of that small hope. It’s wrong to  save myself to a guy who I’m not really sure will really come. 

So, I am taking my friend’s advice. I am moving on. I am letting myself go. I am letting you go. 

To the guy who holds my heart <3

I’m determined not to go out that night. I have a lot of things to do but for some reason I found myself sitting in that sofa, sipping my spiritless cocktail. That was where I met you, a strange drunk guy who knows no shame.

You were actually annoying. You talk a lot, move a lot and drink a lot. I was talking to your friend when suddenly you sat between us and hold my hand. I was struck,but since you were drunk, I let you caress my hand. I can still remember how you sulk like a kiddo when no one was paying attention to you. You were like a nine year old child stuck in a man’s body. You were that childish.

It was very unusual for me to feel fondness for someone I just met, but with you it was all different. It was a new experience to me. It was all new to me. I thought it was the start of something sweet, something I can hold on, something I know is mine but as what you always say, shit happens.

After all is said and done, I just want to say thank you for that short span of time we have shared. It may not be the ending I rooted for, but the journey is very much worth it. Because of you I found a friend and a sister (Faith) that loves me no matter what happens. I found out who are willing to listen to me when I’m in my stupidest. For that, I sincerely thank you.

One day, I would want to look in your eyes and personally say the things I haven’t said. One day, I really want to be your friend who will be happy to hear stories about that girl you love. One day, I really want to remember you without this bittersweet feeling in my heart. One day…